Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Santorini Sunset

Santorini, Greece.

I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have waited ever since I sported those round glasses in third grade that Harry Potter hadn't made cool yet (or that he never did). I used to hide under the especially pink blankets, picked by my mom's interior designer friend to match our unfortunately pink and green persian rug, after lights out to read all about the ancient Greeks. The moment mom's worn slippers slapped their way back into her bedroom, seemingly on constant patrol of kids who had snucked out of bed, I pulled out my mini flashlight and scurried under the covers with my latest novel. I shoved the flashlight into my mouth and shone the light on my precious book. Ever so often, I took out the flashlight to gulp down the saliva building up in my mouth. I always told the librarian that I accidentally flicked water onto some of the pages. She bought it.

When I got to college and watched a movie about two old men on their death beds making lists of things they wished they could have done, I made a bucket list too. Item #5 - Walk among ancient ruins of Athens. Sometime in my junior year, I crossed it out and replaced it with Watch a sunset in Santorini. Still in Greece, just a more sophisticated version, that's all. I thought it was one of the most romantic, adult thing to wish for and was slightly mortified to find that this specific item was also on the list of almost every pedestrian Most Stunning Sunsets You MUST See!! travel/ honeymoon magazine column.

Anyhow, I am here now.

Despite the throngs of adoring tourists, the Oia village of Santorini sits untouched. She doesn't dress to impress because she doesn't need to. White washed walls, churches, and cafes are offset by the brilliant hue of royal blue that colors select rooftops, evoking childhood memories of fine China. Everywhere you turn, there's another prime location for a bridal shoot. The well-worn cobblestone foot paths, every creaking door, the occasional surprises of auburn neighborhood walls, the hanging balcony restaurants that serve up ocean fresh octopus and warmly baked moussaka all add to its beauty -  heck, even the dog napping by the rustic turquoise school gate is photogenic.





There is something in the air too. A sense of light airiness rests gently on the cliffs, greatly enhanced by the soft ocean breeze and the almost tangible expectations of the crowd waiting for something magical to happen. This is Santorini after all and it must deliver.

As the orange sun dips slowly, the crowd moves urgently toward the tip of Oia, to the edge where the best sunset views are promised. No more lingering in front of the jewelry boutique that sells handmade crystal pieces. No more posing thoughtfully against a ledge. This is the culminating moment, the one that will grace many instagram accounts.

I hurry in my Grecian leather sandals. A guides me gently along, expertly fielding away those bumping from behind us. Tugging at my navy jumpsuit, I am nervous. What if the sunset isn't what I have always imagined it to be?

And what if it is what I have always imagined it to be? I chased the sun in the last three years and have been fortunate enough to watch it light upon many famed sights. Purple and pink dawn like berry blush in Ankor Wat, Cambodia. Burnt almond sunset in land of the 4000 temples in Bagan, Myanmar. Brilliant specks of every color on the shores of Maldives. Majestic and lonely osage orange on the Masai Mara plains in Kenya. A casual and dark disappearance around the Eiffel Tower in France.

Each sunrise and sunset evoked different emotions in me. Grateful. Peaceful. Lonely. Happy. All beautiful in its own way.

I am nervous because intermingled with the awe and wonder of nature while watching the last few "bucket list" sunsets, I felt that I wanted more. I wanted somebody to share it with. I was always with great friends, family, or "a boy", but I could never shake that feeling. I was afraid that I was getting ungrateful. That I was growing up and getting bored of sunsets.

But I shuffle onwards, because I am still curious about the sunset of Oia and because I am pushed forward by the crowd.

But the crowds! The travel magazines never warn you about the pesky crowd who also wants a slice of your bucket list moment, especially when everybody seems to be taller than you, barricading against any hopeful glimpses on tip toe with the wall of smartphones and tablets. The hum of the tourists crescendoes as the sun slips ever lower in the sky. I resign myself to watch through the screens, with the single solace that I will be watching through a high res iPad screen.

A looks around and drops his cotopaxi backpack. Without waiting for my ladylike protests, he hoists me onto his shoulders, heads above the tourists. And there I sit and watch as the sun kisses the horizons, casting a lingering splay of soft coral and plum glow. The crowd, hushed for a brief moment, breaks out in a spontaneous cheer and claps for the appreciation of beauty that unites us all on the tip of that cliff.

And then I feel -

Fulfilled.

I stay sitting on his shoulders and playing with his familiar sandy hair for an extra moment as the waves glisten with the day's last remaining rays below.











Thursday, September 11, 2014

A Provincial Province

Before I flew out of Shanghai, A asked me to do one thing for him. Please don't laugh at the Fujianese - everybody on my mission did. I smirked at his bizarre request and then took off.

My boss and I just landed in Fujian, a coastal province where people were known for being provincial, and breathed in the overwhelming humidity. The local taxi driver was playing the perennial favorite Chinese game of "Guess where the foreigner's from." Meanwhile, I was trying not to mimic his feminine quacking accent that was so stereotypical Fujian. As we drove away from the airport, the driver started tapping his steering wheel, perplexed that it was so hard to guess my boss' nationality.

My boss

Hmm. You don't look like us. 

Are you Japanese? But your Mandarin is so good. 

Oh wait, you're darker. Indian?

I know! You must be German. 

No, wait! You can't be - your arm hair is too long.

My boss was a standard six foot three American complete with five every day polos that he rotated.

--

Fujian is also known for its food.

A said that it was Fujian seafood that taught him to appreciate all other Chinese food.

After a late night dinner at a local stall, I finally gained more appreciation for Panda Express. Everything I was eating was just so . . . ugly.



These fish look like retired bull dogs who have given up on life.


 Worms writhing wearily in the water. 


Fish breathing thing.
 Surprising texture of chicken cartilage - crunchy yet chewy.


Durian. Gooey texture with pungent smell. 
A little like eating your own throw up. With chopsticks.
My colleague brought it back to our hotel room
 and I stayed up all night gagging.


Mini lobsters in chili oil. The messiest ever.
Definitely not a first date dish.




Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Discussing Love on a Lake

We discussed love while rowing on a freshly painted boat on Phewa Lake in Nepal.

He rowed. And I pretended I knew how to.

In the far distance, we could make out the faint outlines of the Annapura, the more accessible mountain range of the mythical Himalayas, which stood proud and silent on that hazy spring day.

Alex steered our boat around the small island that held the non-descript Hindu temple, dressed up like a blushing schoolgirl for the tourists, while we gazed upwards towards the pearly white Buddhist stupa planted up on a neighboring hill.

Sandwiched between the two symbols, we talked of love in the abstract. In the practical. In the religious.

I asked Alex what he knew about Buddhism. He shared with me the few tenets that he knew, most notably that of non-attachment.

I leaned back and frowned at a memory of a dear friend who recently embraced Buddhism. A year ago, she was bitterly and vocally unhappy with her marriage because of a void of understanding, touch, love, and common ideals.  She had dreamed of something different and contemplated divorce. Now, with the smile of the recently converted playing on her lips, she preached non-attachment to me in a crowded, cheap Italian restaurant. While her rambunctious 7 year old son screamed and kicked for his mom's iPhone, she patted him absentmindedly and explained to me why she was happy now. The key was letting go. All couples, regardless of the quality of their relationship, would end up apart at the end of mortal life. So why obsess about the journey? If she stopped hoping for love, then she would not despair over the deafening silence between them. Or the late nights she waited up for him to come home. Or the lack of gentleness.

If she stopped being attached to her husband, then she would be happy.

I swirled around my cream of mushroom soup with the tin spoon, hiding the torrent of anger behind my masked attempt to understand her sentiments. I wanted to scream that she was giving up. That she was settling for a shell of a happy life. We ended our lunch early because her son whined about going to the arcades and snatched my spoon to drum out his demands. I also grew weary of my curious burst of anger.

Alex listened quietly to my story and disillusionment with the concept of letting go.

I passionately argued that at least for myself, I either cared all the way or didn't care at all. Despite my parents cautioning temperance and 'it's just a job' whenever I cried on the phone because I wasn't sure how much more I could physically/ emotionally give to my work, I would still dip into my bank of inner reserve and drum out more energy to find solutions to never-ending problems. Or how I kept reaching out to a family member with a hopeful tentativeness even though she's hung up on me multiple times.

Isn't that what love is? I asked urgently. Not letting go?

In between a few more gentle paddles to maneuver us to a quiet alcove, Alex mused that love, in its ultimate form, is one of letting go of expectations of outcomes. It is the unconditional love that Christ spoke of, because He still loves us eternally regardless of our actions. He brought up the example of a proverbial modern mom who became angry because despite repeated reminders, the daughter was not practicing her instrument. The motive was love and hope that the daughter would develop her talents. But the anger arose because the daughter was not conforming to a set image the mom had crafted. Love, within the context of our conversation, would be for the mom to let go of the story she had weaved in her mind about her reality and instead persevere in love through the difficult, messy, and wonderfully unplotted life she ended up sharing with her daughter.

On our way paddling back to the muddy shores, I scanned the lake for the attachments in my life and saw them splayed out across the rippled surface of the the deepening water. Tangled in my thoughts, I decided to throw my stories, chained to their imagined endings, overboard and just let them sink to the bottom of Phewa. I decided to try to love in the best way I knew how and let things happen as they may. I would let go but not give up.

Across the lake, a proper Nepali storm was rolling in, a harbinger of the monsoon season.